Don's Blog
Random Thoughts

Yesterday, a conversation took place on Twitter between @AliciaLane and @KelbyBrick. The topic was mentorship. The main issue at hand was the shortage of willing deaf leaders to mentor others who were deaf and interested in also becoming leaders in their respective industries. Alicia initially stated that the reason for this was due to leaders not being willing or were willing, but had quite limited time to be able to mentor others. Kelby pointed out that people needed to want to be mentored, that there were many mentors, but that ‘newbies’ needed to confide and ask for advice.

The conversation drifted off to consulting, and mentoring, the difference of both before going back on topic. If you’d like to see the entire Twitter conversation between them, as well as others about deaf mentorship, check out a screenshot of it posted by Alicia. http://i52.twitgoo.com/1568ni9.jpg

Kelby mentioned something that was quite thought provoking: “Issue is prospective mentees need to learn how to seek out, find, and cultivate mentors”.

No such information was taught in high school, and so far in my studies for business administration at college, nor was it taught in college. So obviously, learning how to seek out, find, and cultivate was something that would have to be self taught. I needed a mentor in any case because I was planning on starting up a business, and wanted someone who went through successfully what I was about to go through to chat with.

First things first—Kelby had pointed out something critical: knowing the difference between a mentor and consultant was essential before even considering searching for a mentor. To that end, I decided to look up the formal definitions of both:

men·tor:
1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter.

con·sult·ant:
1. a person who gives professional or expert advice: a consultant on business methods.

Definitions from Dictionary.com

Ah, so then the critical difference is that mentorship is a personal relationship, whereas consultancy is a professional relationship. There’s certainly a fine line there that one should be wary and watch out for to ensure we don’t impose too much on those we ask to mentor us. While the line can blur in some areas, it is best to always to have expectations laid out from the start on the part of both the mentor and the mentee, so both have a clear concept of the boundaries.

Now we know what a mentor is, the next step rears its head. How to seek out and find a mentor. This is where most would toss up their hands and simply walk out the door. I mean, it’s not like I can just dial up Mark Zuckerberg, Tim Cook, or Richard Branson and be like, “Golly gee, mind mentoring me?”. We obviously want to be successful. We obviously want someone who’s successful. But this is the crux of the matter: is it because leaders aren’t willing to mentor, or is it because of mentees not being willing to seek out mentors? At this point, I don’t know the answer to that. So I consider myself an experiment to answer that question. I definitely do want a mentor, and am willing to actively seek out one. Whether one will recognize my efforts and be willing, will answer the crux of the matter.

So then, how to seek out and find a mentor?

Those amongst you who know me well will know that I’m fond of hitting up Google for anything I don’t know or am not sure of the answer to. So hitting up Google brought up this excellent article at Forbes. I will tell you what the article suggested (suggestions are in bold) and will be discussing about them.

It asked first: What do I want in a mentor?

Good question, that. I wanted someone who can act as a general sounding board and big-picture guide. I wanted someone who has experience in starting up a business, and in being a CEO. That someone’d also have to be successful. Someone who’d be willing to let me try figuring out stuff, and raise a red flag when I was about to do (or was doing) something stupid. Someone who’d be willing to say “Hey Don, what you’re doing will work, but here’s a piece of advice that’ll save you a lot of hassle in the long run”. Someone who’d not only be a trusted counselor, but also a friend with whom I could meet up over coffee and could talk about this kind of stuff with. Well, meeting up for coffee would be a bonus. Heh.

The article then said I should check with my employer’s human resources department to see if they have a mentoring program. Seeing how I currently work for a certain company, and they generally take a dim view of my discussing the company outside the company, I won’t talk about how it went. At this point however, it was clear I’d have to explore other avenues.

This brought me to #3: Look outside the office. I already made it clear on Twitter I was seeking a mentor, and Kelby said he’d see about if there’d be a mentor interested. Waiting to see how that end pans out. This blog post is also a means to an end- it is my hopes a potential mentor will read this, and consider getting in touch. I also posted on Facebook to check amongst my own connections, and am waiting for a nibble there.

This then took me to #4: Do an advanced people search on Linked In. I thought this was quite a good suggestion: I have a LinkedIn account, but hadn’t really considered capitalizing on it as a resource for locating mentors. So I set the search to “Vice President of Marketing”, and then set it to search for those within 25 miles of my location. Nearly 6,000 results. Quite a lot of the accounts were anonymous. I decided to refine the results by focusing on those I had second-degree connections with. This narrowed down the results considerably to seven results. Of those seven, only one seemed promising. So I contacted the mutual connection to ask for an introduction; LinkedIn errored out on me repeatedly. So I sent the mutual connection a message asking if we could communicate via email, will try again to ask for introduction once contact via email is established. We’ll see how #4 pans out.

#5 of the article said to consider a younger mentor. Seeing how I’m 30, that’ll be difficult. Heh. But hey, am willing to consider it!

Out of all suggestions in the article, I found #6 to be the best: “Practice your ‘why me’ speech.” Obviously, I’d have to convince the mentor to even consider it. This will definitely take some thought. Why mentor me instead of others? Because of my drive, ambitions, loyalty, and potential? Because I’m deaf? One thing I know for sure is that I do want to establish a long and fruitful friendship in addition to the mentorship.

#7 of the article warns: “Steer clear of the formal request- avoid just saying ‘will you be my mentor?’”. Makes sense, most people do it for the personal satisfaction in seeing the other person become successful. If they did it for the money, then they’d be in consulting, wouldn’t they? Another food for thought: would you walk up to someone and just say “hey, will you be my friend?”. This direct approach wouldn’t usually work well. Best to establish a rapport prior to checking into getting mentorship.

#8 essentially reaffirms what I said earlier: show the mentor how to help. At the very worst, they’ll just say no. Never hurts to ask. But be mindful of overusing them—they’re not a consultant, they’re a friend. Treat them as such. #9 also says this should be fun for the both of you—you both should be enjoying the mentorship.

#10 was quite true—it said to ensure you do something for them also. Quid pro quo. While they do it for the personal satisfaction, they always like knowing their efforts are appreciated. Show some gratitude from time to time.

#11 also pointed out a very important point. Once you’ve gotten the mentorship you needed, and have attained your goals; pay it forward. Mentor others. That’s the whole point of mentorship. I definitely intend on doing this; I enjoy helping others to become successful in any case.

#12 (and the final suggestion) in the article was to practice active listening. Don’t just talk at the mentor, ask questions, and listen intently to the answers. They’re taking the time to provide guidance, don’t waste their time by only half-listening. Above all, avoid becoming defensive- they aren’t there to judge, they’re there to provide guidance and it’s entirely up to you whether to consider their advice, whether to take advantage of it or not.

So to that end, I’ve put out feelers searching for a mentor, and think I’ve got the gist of what a mentorship is all about. Or at least I hope so anyway. Maybe if I got a mentor on mentorship? Hah. Wait, that actually might be good. They’d warn me if I wasn’t handling the mentorship well, and being mentors for others, they’d be well positioned to do so. Hmmm.

Update: Alicia was also suggesting mentorship for leaders whose time budgets was a constraint that prevented them from serving on boards for deaf businesses, as mentorship is a less time-consuming option. She also suggested looking for incubators and CEO roundtables in my area.